The genie grants you a wish. What is it?

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Today’s prompt: “A genie grants you one wish. What is it?”

My answer: nothing. It’s a trap. It has always been a trap. Free stuff from a magical being in a lamp is never free.

First, a Quick Correction

When you say “genie,” you’re picturing a blue Robin Williams or Jeannie from “I Dream of Jeannie” I’m talking about jinn, so let’s get the terminology straight before you show up in the comments saying “but I want the Disney one.”

In Arabian mythology and Islamic theology, jinn are beings who live unseen alongside humans. Humans are made of clay, angels are made of light, and jinn are made of smokeless fire. They’re not angels, and they’re not quite demons either. They’re somewhere in the middle, with free will, very long lives, the ability to marry, and a date with judgment in the afterlife. They also come with some magical perks.

I once wanted to write a story about a jinn living in the human world, but I didn’t want to get accused of cultural appropriation. So, I’m doing a rant instead, which is fine.

The Wish Always Goes Wrong

Every story goes the same way:

“I wish for a million dollars.” Life goes to hell.

“I wish to be beautiful forever.” Congrats, you’re now preserved in amber like a prehistoric mosquito.

“I wish to live forever.” Nobody asked how you’d feel about the rest of forever.

So here are my three rules for dealing with a genie, since I’m allowed to have rules and you can do whatever you want.

Rule #1: Ask Questions

Genies grant wishes, which means they’re imprisoned. You have to ask why.

If they did something evil and this is their punishment, I’m not freeing them and then watching the news the next day. “Local genie goes on spree.” No thank you. I’m not getting tangled in your karma, sir.

Rule #2: If They’re Innocent, Set Them Free

Maybe somebody hated their guts, cursed them, and then died. The genie says, “I don’t want revenge, I just want to live my life and be happy.”

That’s your wish. “I wish you free from this curse. Go in peace and blessings.” The universe sees you didn’t get greedy or weird, and you might get some good karma out of it.

Rule #3: If They’re Evil, Send Them Away Forever

If you find out you’re dealing with a murderous, world-conquering supervillain, say: “I wish for this genie and the lamp it lives in to be sent to another realm, never to be seen again.”

Do it, because the next person won’t be as smart as you, and then we’ll have a whole Avengers-style event on our hands, and we don’t need any more of those. Send it to the bottom of the sea. Send it to Mars. Venus is better, since the heat should handle the rest. (Spiritual reasons. I’ll explain another day.)

What If It’s Neutral? No Strings, One Wish.

Here’s what not to ask for:

Bring someone back from the dead. That’s necromancy, and nobody wants zombies.

Kill your enemy. Murder is wrong. There are better ways to get back at someone, and you’ll be dealing with the consequences with God, the universe, or your own guilt. (And if you feel no guilt, that’s a different conversation, and I’m not playing games with you.)

Eternal beauty or eternal life. See: Amber.

“I want no one to remember me.” Then you get arrested, call your family, and they say “Who? I don’t have a son.” You’re screwed.

Invisibility. You’ll be invisible to the cashier but not to the cameras. We live in a surveillance society, my friend. You’d be a ghost with a very thorough digital footprint.

Unlimited money. Genies hate this one, because it’s a loophole minefield.

The Wish I’d Actually Make

“For the rest of my life, I receive $1,000 every day, delivered to my bank account from a traceable, legitimate source that no one will question.”

It’s not unlimited money, because the amount is finite and predictable. The best part is that it comes with a built-in alarm. If one day the $1,000 isn’t there, you know it’s your last day. You wake up at midnight, check your account, and if the money isn’t there, you get to decide how to spend your final 24 hours. That’s a lot more notice than most people get.

And $1,000 a day is enough to live well but not enough to wreck your life. Your brain will say “I’ll just get another thousand tomorrow,” and then you remember tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. That keeps you honest.

The plan:

Week 1: Pay off the bills for the month, or the year, or whatever.

Week 2: Charity work.

After that: Vacations. Go wherever you want. Enjoy it!

Someone out there is saying “a thousand dollars isn’t that much.” Yes, it is. It’s enough for fun, and not enough for disaster.

The Villain Rule Still Applies

If you find out your genie used to be a hero’s ex-sidekick turned vengeful sorcerer who now terrorizes the descendants of royalty (you know who I’m talking about, Disney taught us), do not set him free. You send him back to the bottom of the sea for another millennium and let the next generation deal with it.

Honestly, let an octopus deal with it. Put that villain up against an octopus and the octopus wins. Every time. I believe in the octopus.

This is what happens when you give people hilarious prompts and make them use their brains for the first time in months. Thanks for reading. Have a good day, and don’t rub any lamps.

Until Next Time, 

Che Michelle