If aliens arrived tomorrow, what’s the first thing you’d ask them?

A daily WordPress prompt response, fueled by a long drive. Inner thoughts and strong opinions

If aliens landed tomorrow, what’s the first question you’d ask them? Mine is simple: “Why are you here?”

Why did you come to Earth? What’s the real reason? Resources? Are you here to fix s***? Because I honestly think the galactic community will eventually show up to deal with the problems on this planet.

And I don’t think they’ll care that we’re messing up our own home. They’ll care about what we’re doing to the other species. I guarantee some galactic council is sitting there going, “Wait a minute. Did they mess with the platypus?” They’ve got a whole list of animals nobody is allowed to touch, and when those animals get touched, they come. “Listen, you damn humans, stop it. Deforestation is killing our platypus. These are holy animals to us!”

I know they’d do this because I would. The platypus was placed here to be safe so nobody would ever mess with it, and y’all are out here destroying its habitat. Stop it. That’s my theory for why aliens come back.

Okay, but once they answer…

I have follow-up questions. Once they’ve successfully answered the first one, I will move on to the important stuff:

1. On a scale of one to ten, where do humans fall in intelligence? I’m guessing one or two. Some of us are maybe a three. I don’t think any of us is a level ten, and by level ten I mean intelligence that’s beyond intelligence. Honestly, we might technically be pets to other aliens.
2. Are the Annunaki gods or aliens? I read a book (Inanna by Emily Wilson) where the author presented them as aliens who ended up on Earth. That would explain the elaborate ceremonies and why they look different from humans. (I can’t remember the author’s name, which is a crime against my own blog.)
3. What happened to the Olmecs? They’re the civilization found in parts of Mexico, and they closely resemble African men, like African descendants. Did they die out? Millions of things could have happened, but my theory is that their civilization was fading, so they dispersed, joined other cultures, and bred into them. That’s the most logical explanation to me.
4. Are starseeds real? Because now everyone is a starseed. Everybody’s like, “I’m a starseed!” and I’m over here wondering whether we’re all starseeds or you want to feel special and need a label for it. I don’t know. I have these little questions.

The bad alien problem

I’m assuming these are good aliens, but what if they’re not? What if we go to ask them questions and they’re the Independence Day aliens, who are basically like, “The moment we get close enough, we’re going to electrocute your brain and kill you”? Then you can ask the aliens your questions. In the afterlife. Great.

I think you have to decide which alien you’ve got based on how they engage with us:

• Independence Day aliens: They want to destroy the world, so you’d better be ready to fight back.
• The slow-burn aliens: They come to Earth, and you find out later they had a sinister plan the whole time; they were doing it slowly. Rude.
• Star Trek: The Next Generation aliens: Not horrible, but you gotta give them the side-eye, because some of their cultures were weird. Not all of them, though. Some are sustainable and beautiful. Then again, look at how humans treat each other. I’m not in a position to call anyone weird all day.
• Stargate aliens: I’d say no. We’re not doing this with them. Absolutely not.

Back to my question

So yes: why are you here? Why are you even on this planet? Can you breathe the air? Wait, isn’t the nitrogen going to fry your skin? Is the oxygen going to kill you, because it’s too reactive? I need to know!

That’s my hot take, and I’m done ranting and raving. Thank you for listening.

Now it’s your turn: if aliens came to Earth, what’s the first question you’d ask?

P.S. I originally recorded this in the car while driving home from trivia.