Category: Uncategorized

Stop Guessing the Algorithm: How to Write What People Actually Want to Read

How do you write what people actually want to read?

A WordPress writing prompt from a few days ago posed a question that plagues every blogger at some point: How do you write what people want to read?

If you run a blog, you know the cycle. You spend hours pouring your soul into an essay you’re convinced is comedic gold or deeply profound, hit publish, and watch the digital tumbleweeds blow past. Meanwhile, a low-effort listicle you jotted down between sips of coffee suddenly drives all your traffic.

We have all been there and it begs the question: Are we chasing an audience that does not exist, or are we just doing this all wrong?

The Stats Don’t Make Sense (And That’s Okay)

I’m currently on Day 24 of a 30-day writing challenge. It’s been an exercise in pushing past creative blocks, figuring out my niche, and obsessively checking post metrics to see what lands.

The verdict? Human attention is completely unpredictable.

Case in point:

  • I wrote a deep-dive critical analysis arguing why modern culture desperately needs to bring back Jerry Springer-caliber daytime talk shows. I thought it was witty, culturally relevant, and sharp. Result: Crickets. Barely a like, barely a hit.
  • I posted a quick, candid breakdown of my top five everyday apps. Result: Solid traffic, instant clicks.
  • I drafted a comedic story about an overdramatic run-in at the grocery store, assuming humor would lead the charge. Instead, my post ranking my favorite Pokémon companions blew it out of the water.

If you try to reverse-engineer what strangers on the internet want on any given Tuesday, you’ll drive yourself mad. You can’t predict what will click, because readers rarely know what they want until it’s in front of them.

The Danger of Writing Only for the Clicks

If I only wrote what “sells,” my blog would turn into an endless feed of trashy erotica overnight. Don’t get me wrong—I love writing steamy, unapologetic romance. There is genuine art and fun in crafting indulgent drama where everyone gets exactly what they want.

But writers are multifaceted. Sometimes I want to write erotica; sometimes I want to write speculative sci-fi about women defying convention; sometimes I want to break down astrology as character analysis rather than mystical fortune-telling.

When you constrain your voice solely to capture mass appeal, you strip out the very friction that makes writing compelling. The moment you start writing exclusively for an imaginary audience’s approval, you kill the curiosity that brought you to the page in the first place.

The Toni Morrison Rule: Fill the Void

Toni Morrison offered what remains the best writing advice ever recorded:

“If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”

Seasoned writers and mentors have echoed this for decades. Your job as a writer isn’t to survey the market, build a demographic profile, and pander to it. Your job is to look at the cultural landscape, identify what feels missing, and write that exact piece into existence.

  • Write the piece that makes you laugh out loud while drafting it.
  • Write a love letter to your younger self that it felt terrifying to put on paper.
  • Write the raw, emotional witness to an everyday event that nobody else bothered to document.

When I posted a quiet, vulnerable piece reflecting on personal self-worth, it didn’t get thousands of views—but a reader reached out to say it was deeply caring, spot-on, and gave them comfort right when they needed it. That single connection infinitely holds more weight than a dozen empty clicks on a trendy topic.

Write with Abundance

There are over eight billion people on this planet. Your writing is not meant for all of them. It isn’t even meant for 1% of them.

Writing requires an abundance mindset:

  • The wrong readers will scroll past. Let them.
  • The right readers will find resonance. When you write with genuine specificity and voice, the people who share your wavelength will eventually track down your work. They will recognize the humor, feel the emotion, and appreciate the perspective.

Your responsibility isn’t to figure out what people want to read. Your responsibility is to write, edit, and put something authentic into the world. The audience doesn’t know what they’re missing until you give it to them.

Over to you: Have you ever published something you were certain would flop, only for it to resonate widely—or vice versa? How do you balance writing for yourself versus writing for your readers?

Until Next Time,

Che Michelle

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Capicorns write Long books

Warning: This was a fun post I wrote for entertainment purposes. I thoroughly enjoy both books. The storytelling is top-tier, and the life lessons are stellar. But in both books, I felt the Capricorn energy exude from them. As I read, all I could say in jest was, “This is a Capricorn thing.”  We are still in Chapter 18, and it’s been 2 hours. My mind would drift to Capricorn in my life, which is typically long-winded and sometimes overly detail-oriented. Please enjoy this blog. I have no disrespect for either of these women; it’s just my poor attempt at humor, comparing the books I’ve read.

Random Thought: Capricorns write the longest book ever (upon some extra investigation, Capricorns do not hold the honor of the longest book). I may be narrow-minded about Capricorns.  This is based on my observations and other articles I have read about Capricorns. Women of this sign can be very detail-oriented, get stuck on one subject for too long, and overlook details that reflect poorly on them.   From reading, you may wonder where I got that thought.  I am currently reading Tina Knowles’ book “Matriarch.” I love this book; it’s witty, honest, and funny, and, on the low, she’s giving young ladies tips and knowledge that have been lost in current generations.  How do you decide to leave a bad situation? How do you pursue your dreams with focus and determination? How to be your person.

A full review is forthcoming once I’ve finished the book.  It’s a trend I’ve noticed in almost all memoirs I’ve read by Capricorns. I have only read three books by Capricorns: two by former First Lady Michelle Obama and Matriarch by Tina Knowles.   Below are a few takeaways from each book that I would like to attribute to Capricorn pause, Black, and Successful Capricorn women.  I have met the dark side of Capricorn; they are all long-winded but never seem to harness their success.  That is another blog for a different post.  Below are five thoughts I have taken from reading memoirs from Capricorn Women:

  1. Capricorns are detail-oriented to a painstaking level.  Numerous details are layered into each chapter and sentence.  I love the details, but when you’re still in Chapter 4 after 5 hours.  In Becoming, Michelle Obama describes the home, the smells, and the rhythm to the point where you lose sight of why she’s telling the story until 10 minutes later. I had to go back and re-read a section to understand how the story connected to its impact on her life.  This is not awful; it forces you to pay attention, and in a TikTok 10-second world, it was nice to focus.  Seriously, please get to the point about why you didn’t continue playing the piano.
  2. Capricorns focus on the most mundane things but speed past the most impactful moments. Tina Knowles’ details were terrific, but I could tell from the editing that certain things were left out or edited down to fit the book’s length.
  3. You will learn the tips to get your life right. I am serious; after reading Michelle Obama’s book and even Mama Tina’s book, I am ready to be the woman I want to be.  Michelle offers words of inspiration and practical advice on how to be present without losing yourself.  Mama Tina teaches you how to achieve financial stability without going broke and to stand in your truth. If you are missing life lessons from your parents, read this book.  (This sentence just gave me an idea for a new post.)
    1. Bonus: she provides semi-detailed instructions for a delicious Gumbo recipe.  When I get access to a kitchen and a whole day, I make Mama Tina’s Gumbo. If her kids won’t learn to make it, I will. I EVEN KNOW THE BISCUITS AND DRINKS I will make!
  4. They make some of the best mothers, creating a fiercely independent daughter.  Hold up, a Capricorn raised me, and I am very independent and couldn’t care less about other people’s opinion of me, which came from my mama. However, reading this book made me realize that Capricorns make the best mothers (warning: when they are healed and not working from trauma).  Look at their kids. No, Michelle Obama’s daughters went to top schools and are living the best private lives. Tina Knowles, we are not going to sit here and notice that she has two successful daughters who are private and refuse to pay people to do their work!  The proof is in the writing and the daughters.
  5. Their vulnerability makes them 10x more driven. Listen to each book; someone hurts their feelings beyond compare, and they devise a plan and seek revenge. The revenge doesn’t last long, but they devise a plan and leave.   That is another life lesson you should take away from this book.
  6. These are long-ass books. I understand Ms. Tina Knowles is 71 and fabulous, putting some 40-year-old woman to shame!  Michelle Obama, in her 60s, I believe, is again putting 40 a 40-year-old woman to shame.  Matriarch clocks in at 432 pages, possibly more, while Obama’s book reaches 448 pages, with an additional 16 pages if purchased from Target, for a total of 464 pages. I have the Target book and the journal. Get the journal you need; it’s full of life lessons to learn from.

Overall, I love both books. You should take the time to read books by these extraordinary ladies.

 Ko-fi.com/chemichelletales

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Stop Blocking Intersections: A Call for Better Driving

An Open Letter to Every Bad Driver in Baltimore (You Know Who You Are)
Let me set the scene. It’s Saturday morning. I have one goal: get to my free dance fitness class, get my sun, get my vitamin D, be shining and brined. Instead, I get a masterclass in why nobody in this city knows how to drive anymore.
Here’s what happened, and here’s everything I learned about humanity in the process.

The GPS Lied to Me
My GPS said ten minutes. I believed it, because apparently I have not learned my lesson after twenty-some years of this app betraying me. Ten minutes turned into fifteen minutes stuck in one spot, for a destination that was two minutes away. Two. Minutes.
Why? Construction, and zero traffic cops to direct the chaos. So there I sat, marinating in my own poor life choices, wondering if I should just park and walk the rest of the way. (I did not. I am not that strong.)
Do Not Block the Intersection, I Am Begging You!


This is not a suggestion. This is not a vibe. This is the law, and yet every single day someone decides their five minutes matter more than four lanes of traffic. If you block the box, you are now sitting in the intersection on a red light, which means you have doubled the violation. You didn’t save time. You created a second traffic jam on top of the first one. Congratulations, you’re now the problem and the punishment.
Nobody Uses Their Turn Signal Anymore and I Refuse to Accept This
When did we all collectively decide that using a blinker was optional? It is not optional. It is a tool. It exists so the person behind you does not have to guess your intentions like you’re a mystery box. If I’m going straight and my signal isn’t on, do not honk at me because you wanted to turn. That’s a you problem. Slow down or go around. I promise I will not take it personally if you pass me, in fact I might speed up out of spite, and then you’ll be mad for a whole new reason.


A Brief and Unnecessary Physics Lesson
If you’re riding my bumper in the right lane while I do the speed limit, please know that I have done the math. Going five or ten miles over the limit does not get you there dramatically faster. It gets you there a few minutes faster and significantly more likely to be dead. Force equals mass times acceleration, the human body can only absorb so much of that force before something inside you gives up, and I would like to keep my organs exactly where they are. Speed limits exist because somebody already did this math for us. Take the win.
(Side-eye directed squarely at anyone doing seventy-five in a fifty-five like the laws of physics were personally written to inconvenience them.)


To the Person Doing 35 on I-95 During Rush Hour


Listen here, hon, I need you to hear me before I call you stupid or ask, “Are you Dumb?” The highway is not the place for this. If your car cannot safely handle highway speeds, that’s a mechanical problem, not a personality trait, and it needs to go to a shop, not onto a road where everyone else is doing sixty-five. If you’re scared to drive at highway speed, there is no shame in that, truly, but the solution is a rideshare or a rental, not turning I-95 into a rolling roadblock at nine in the morning. City streets exist. Please use them.
Everyone Is Just Rude Now, and I’m Tired
No signals. No thank-you waves. No basic courtesy. Just horns, attitude, and everybody acting like their destination is more important than everyone else’s. Traffic isn’t just bad because of construction or rush hour. It’s bad because we collectively stopped being decent to each other behind the wheel. It’s a two-way street, literally, and treating it like your own personal racetrack does not make you look powerful. It makes you look like you have somewhere to be and nowhere to grow.
The Only Solution That Actually Worked
I put on Prince’s “Purple Rain.” Traffic cleared shoot out to Goddess Inanna for that vibration hack( https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWIOdglAC2U/?stkn=MXQ2cGN4a3NwMWJ5cw==) . This has now worked for me twice, so as far as I’m concerned it’s science at this point, not a coincidence. Do with that information what you will.

In Conclusion
If you don’t remember the rules of the road, go take a defensive driving refresher. If you’re an aggressive driver because you have a big truck and main character energy, maybe put some of that gas money toward therapy instead. I say this with love, and also as someone who is absolutely one of the bad drivers sometimes. We are all works in progress out here. I missed my dance class. I made it to my backup class instead, because I refuse to let bad drivers take two workouts from me in one day. And honestly, that might be the real lesson here: traffic will test you, but it will not stop you from getting your steps in.
Drive safe. Use your signal. Don’t block the box. And maybe put on some Prince.

If you want to pay for my next oil change or tires –>   Ko-fi.com/chemichelletales

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Cosmos & Culture: Virgo Is Hot Girl (and Hot Boy) Summer Fight Me

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Look, I know what you’re picturing when someone says “Virgo.” A woman in a cardigan alphabetizing her spice rack. A man color-coding a spreadsheet for fun, on a Saturday, voluntarily. The zodiac’s resident hall monitor, the friend who texts “per my last message” with their whole chest. And sure. That’s also true. But I’m here to make the case that underneath the clipboard and the critique, Virgos are quietly running the entire “hot girl summer / hot boy summer” economy. Megan Thee Stallion coined the phrase. Virgos have been living it since the Bronze Age.

The Receipts

Before we get into the chart math, let’s look at the lineup, because the lineup does most of the arguing for me: Michael Jackson. Beyoncé. Ludacris. Keke Palmer. Katt Williams. Prince Harry. Zendaya and  Jesus! Yes, I said Jesus, because there’s evidence he was born in September, not December. The whole point of this tangent is Virgos; almost all Virgos are a whole vibe. These are not people who blend into a room. These are people the room rearranges itself around. Case in point, Entertainment Weekly did the “Theater Seating Game” and 85% of the people in the game chose to sit near or next to Keke Palmer, a Virgo.  And here’s the part that should really annoy every Leo reading this: Virgo does it without asking for the spotlight. No sign throws a better main-character moment while insisting, with total sincerity, that they’re just “here to help.” It’s the chess move of charisma.

The Three Decans, or: Why Some Virgos Are Built Different

Every sign gets split into three 10-degree decans with their own sub-ruler, and Virgo’s decans basically read like a character creation screen for “how hot is this Virgo going to be, specifically.”

Decan 1 — Mercury (Aug 23–Sep 1). Double-ruled by Mercury, so this is Virgo at full concentration: quick-witted, fast-processing, fluent in sarcasm, allergic to inefficiency. This is your Michael Jackson decan, the one who watches a dance once and already has it down, who hears a melody and can already tell you where it’s going. Less “sexy,” more “terrifyingly competent,” which, let’s be honest, is its own kind of hot.

Decan 2 — Saturn (Sep 2–Sep 11). This is the superstar decan. Mercury’s cleverness gets bolted onto Saturn’s discipline and staying power, and you get people who don’t just have talent; they have career longevity Beyoncé territory, Ludacris territory. Saturn is the planet of time, structure, and “still relevant twenty years later,” and that’s exactly the energy: perfectionism is real, the critiques are real, but so is the global superstar that perfectionism eventually produces. Sidenote: I think all Virgos have this quality; from my analysis, Michael Jackson has a whole 60-year career, Keke Palmer, Zendaya, I mean they all the Virgos on this list are entering 20-plus years in the business of their choosing.

Decan 3 — Venus (Sep 12–Sep 22). Venus softens the whole operation — beauty, aesthetics, charm, the ability to walk into an award show and have people quietly rearrange the seating chart to sit near you (looking at you, Keke Palmer, but her bday is actually August 26th, so she’s in the first decan, not the 3rd, but this effect is Keke’s energy to a “T”). This decan turns Mercury’s planning and Saturn’s discipline into something that feels good to be around. It’s the secret sauce decan. It’s also, conveniently, your Katt Williams decan, proof that “Venus-ruled” doesn’t only mean soft; it can also mean a man who silences an entire internet for a year with one interview.

Unhealed vs. Healed: A Public Service Announcement

Here’s the asterisk, because I’m not going to sit here and pretend Virgo doesn’t have a setting. Unhealed Virgo is still fun, genuinely the life of the party in small doses. Still, the nitpicking, the running commentary on everything you’re doing slightly wrong, the critique delivered as a love language: you need that in monthly increments, not daily ones, on the hour every hour. Or the woo is me self-deprecating energy. Please stop, go to a therapist; we love you, but if I read another “I am a failure” text, I am transporting to your location and slapping you.

Healed Virgo, though? That’s the version with the humility, the work ethic, and the actual warmth that makes people fall in love with them on a press tour. That’s the Keke Palmer who radiates “everyone in this room loves me” without ever asking for it. That’s the Prince Harry who partied like it was a competitive sport and somehow also became the most relatable and loved royal in modern history. That’s the version that earns the title “Hot Girl/Hot Boy of the summer”

Another sidenote: several songs created by Virgo are perfect songs of the summer; look at MJ, Beyoncé, Ludacris, hell even Zendaya has a song I still play and bop to regularly.

So Yes. It’s Virgo.

I know somebody’s already typing “this is clearly Leo” in the comments. I respect the loyalty, truly. But Leo wants the crown. Virgo just keeps quietly winning Grammys, hosting interviews that stop the news cycle, and aging like they signed a contract with time itself, all while insisting they’re “just detail-oriented.” Aquarius, you’re top four, not top three. Pisces, sit this one out; we’ll get to you.

Virgo: ruled by Mercury, mutable enough to evolve with every era, and against every stereotype the internet has assigned you, the actual hot girl, hot boy summer of the zodiac.

*This is part of an ongoing Cosmos & Culture series working through all twelve sun signs, with rising signs and other placements to come. New essay weekly; stick around.*

If you love a Virgo you should share this essay or buy me a coffee https://ko-fi.com/chemichelletales

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Lessons in Writing: Embracing Failure to Succeed

Young person leaving an alley beside fantasy doorway; graffiti reads “AWAKE” and “LIFE.”
A young traveler steps from a shadowy alley into a vivid world of fantasy and possibility.

I failed before I even started, as someone with grand ideas and plans. I lack discipline and follow-through—my life story is a failure to start in every aspect.  I know why people don’t really offer me many opportunities; I am a true failure to finish. Why am I writing these words…. well.  I had this grand plan, after almost 3 years of writer’s block, two sentences written to a document, and that is all I could produce. Around the blue moon of Sagittarius on May 31, 2026.  My creativity just bloomed, and all these ideas rushed to my head. I wanted to return to writing poems and short stories.  I took this as a sign that whatever was blocking me was being removed by all the planetary movement.  I wrote; every chance I got, I wrote. If I couldn’t write, I recorded the voice note, using the transcription feature. I cleaned it up as best I could.  By mid-July, I thought I had a slew of rants, essays, attempts at satire written.  If you only knew how happy I would be. I got cocky!

Yes cocky!  I decided this was the year I’d publish my essay.  First, I was going to start a hip-hop and astrology blog. So much material was circulating: Cardi B and Latto falling out. Jay-Z returned to the stage at the Roots Picnic on May 30th—Megan and Klay relationship implosion. I thought about them and wanted to discuss them in detail.  I had an essay dealing with the grief of losing loved ones, losing friends, and even losing myself. WordPress had these prompts that called to me, and I wrote several pieces. I took this as a sign from the universe. It was time to stop hiding and publish my work. I ran with it, started researching WordPress and Substack. At this time, I had research from seminars, conversations with writers, and current trends.  I let my ego drive me to think I could use what I’d learned to further my own ambitions.

I kept writing and decided to do my own challenge: I would publish at least one rant every day for September. I started planning and overplanning. I found out there is a badge on WordPress to publish 30 days in a row. They have a Vampire badge for posting after a certain time at night.  I wanted them, so I set up a plan.

  1. Publish all my finished work that was suitable (some rants and essays are not appropriate for this blog)
  2. Have published after midnight.
  3. Focus on the content.
  4. Updating the website makes it mediocre.

Anyway, on August 30th, I realized my plan would fail because of my hubris and my miscounting of finished essays.  I have 10 essays ready to go; of the 10, only 4 have been edited. I got so caught up in the idea of publishing 30 essays that I stopped writing. Some of the essays are pure trash, like not coherent thoughts or premises. My writing may be helping me clear junk from my brain.  I do have some mitigating circumstances. I found out that I will be moving to a new job in September. I have to close out all my projects, so in July and August, my attention and time have been split. I realized this magnificent plan in my head will not work.

Where I have to take responsibility, I didn’t properly label my essays, so some are lost to untitled documents. I didn’t edit the essays when I finished them. If I had taken an hour a day to edit, I would have had more ready to go. I got excited about writing again and didn’t pay attention to how many I’d written.  Short version: my lack of discipline prevented what could have been a great challenge to get me published not just on my blog, but also in magazines and contests.  I am glad this challenge, through failure, exposed an issue within myself. I get ahead of myself and don’t think through the logistics.  I don’t make time for the details, leaving it up to chance, which led to only 10 essays written when I planned to post 30 days straight.  I am still going through with the challenge, but know it will not be 30 essays.  I am glad this exposed the holes in my logic, planning, and discipline. Now I have to figure out how to fix these issues.  That may be another blog for another day. I am stealing time from another project that I wanted to work on today, probably because I’d rather be writing.

Until Next Time,

Che Michelle

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Setting Boundaries: Preserve Your Energy and Well-Being

Daily writing prompt
Write your guide to setting healthy boundaries in relationships.
View all responses

Life & Self-Preservation an Essay by Che Michelle

A Field Guide to Not Getting on My Last Nerve

On boundaries, energy vampires, unsolicited weight commentary, and the radical act of minding your business.

By Che Michelle · Boundary Enthusiast & Credentialed Nowhere

I have boundaries. Several of them, in fact, and I have spent a considerable amount of time thinking about them, refining them, and preparing to explain them to anyone who will listen and also to a few people who have made it clear they will not. This essay is for both groups. Consider it a public service announcement. Consider it a love language. Consider it a warning.

Let me be clear from the top: having boundaries is different from being difficult. It is different from being cold, or antisocial, or “a lot.” It is the same as knowing yourself well enough to say “Here is where I end and where you begin, and I would appreciate it if you respected that line.” That’s it. That’s the whole thing and yet here we are.

01Do Not Comment on My Weight

This is the one I feel most strongly about and will defend until I leave this earth. Do not comment on my weight. Not if I’ve gained it. Not if I’ve lost it. Not if you’ve noticed a change so dramatic that you feel physically compelled to say something. Keep it in your mind, or mouth. Swallow it. Let it go.

Here is the thing: you are not a physician. You are not a registered dietitian, a nutritionist, a physical therapist, a personal trainer, or a nurse. You are a person who has eyes and opinions, and I did not ask for either of those things today. If I gain weight, I am a woman in my 40s pick a culprit (probably the wine and estrogen). If I have lost weight, I have been watching what I eat. Either way, the situation is handled. We are moving on.

“You don’t know what I’m battling. You don’t know how stressed I am. And frankly, it is not your business to know. That’s the point.”

What I actually want what I think we all actually want for the people we love to be healthy. Not thin. Not a certain size. Healthy. Able to go on a walk without getting winded. Able to sit at a dinner table and eat without feeling anxious about every item on the menu. Comfortable. Present. That is the goal. And none of that requires your unsolicited commentary on my body. So. We’re done here.

02My Appearance Is Not a Conversation Starter

There is a difference a crucial, non-negotiable difference between a compliment and a critique dressed up as concern. “That outfit is giving me a headache, what happened?” Fine. Fair. I can work with that. We can have a conversation about the outfit. But “you never get your hair done” and “why does your hair look like that” and “did you even look in a mirror before you left the house” those are not feedback. Those are you putting your bad energy somewhere it was not invited.

The allowable version of this conversation is simple: “Oh, I like those earrings. Where’d you get them?” And then I tell you, and you either want them or you don’t, and we both go about our lives. That is the transaction. That is all it needs to be. Anything beyond that requires explicit permission that, for the record, I have not given.

03You Cannot Talk About My People

This one has nuance, so pay attention. If I come to you frustrated about something a cousin did, I am venting about the situation. I am not issuing a license for you to call my cousin raggedy. That license does not exist. It never existed. The fact that I said something about them in a moment of frustration does not mean you now have access to that same lane. You do not.

And yes, I take accountability here too. I try not to talk recklessly about the people I love to people who don’t love them the same way, because I will not give anyone ammunition to speak poorly about someone I care about not even when we’re in disagreement, not even when things are hard. If we’re beefing and you call them out of their name, I will correct you. That’s still someone I love. Watch your mouth.

04Respect My Time or Lose Access to It

I will tell you exactly why I stopped inviting people to things: because people change plans an hour before. Because “can we do Wednesday?” becomes “actually I can’t” at 6:47 PM on Wednesday. Because single does not mean available, and “you don’t have kids” does not mean I don’t have a life.

“There are people out there in improv groups. Knitting classes. Going back to school. Just because they haven’t told you doesn’t mean they have time for you.”

I also have a second job, which means I have an employer whose time I respect and coworkers who are counting on me to show up. I am not calling out on a Wednesday night because you decided at noon that you wanted to go to dinner. That is not a character flaw. That is called integrity, and it is becoming rarer by the day.

Making time for someone looks different than simply having free time, and I wish more people understood this distinction. I will rearrange things for you if I care about you and you give me enough notice to do it with grace. Last-minute chaos is not something I’m available for and the fact that I’ve stopped asking doesn’t mean I don’t miss it. I miss dinner parties with friends. I miss the conversation that happens over a meal with people you love. I just stopped being willing to sacrifice my schedule, my income, and my peace for events that might not even happen. That’s math.

05Ask Before You Vent

This one I learned the hard way. I used to vent to friends the way people used to write in diaries freely, regularly, and without checking whether the other person had capacity. And I thought I was just sharing. Turns out some of them thought I was emotionally relocating all of my problems into their living room on a permanent basis. We had different interpretations of the same conversation, and that difference quietly soured things.

So now I ask first. “Hey, is it okay if I talk about something?” And if the answer is no, I receive that no with grace because their no is not a rejection of me. It’s a person telling me where their bandwidth is today, which is actually a form of honesty I respect. I go write it down. I record a voice note. I go talk to my therapist. I handle it.

And look I say this with love if your support system keeps redirecting you to a professional, that is worth paying attention to. Not because your problems aren’t real. But because a therapist is trained for this, and your friends are tired, and those two things can coexist without anyone being the villain.

06Energy Vampires Will Be Blocked

They are real. I need everyone to accept this. There are people who walk into a room and immediately begin redistributing the oxygen somewhere it can’t reach you. Some of them know they’re doing it. Some of them genuinely don’t. It doesn’t matter. The effect on the room is the same.

You have the right a full, complete, God-given right to protect your energy from people who consistently drain it. This is not cruelty. This is not abandonment. This is you deciding that your peace is worth protecting with the same energy you’d use to protect anything else you value. Block the number. Skip the group chat. Wear the crystal if that’s what you believe in. Say your prayer. Do what you need to do. Your energy is not a public utility.

07Do Not Compare Your Life to Mine

We made different choices. That is the entire explanation. Your choices led to your life. My choices led to mine. Neither of us is wrong. Neither of us owes the other a justification. What you are absolutely not going to do is look at where I am, look at where you are, run some internal calculation, and then present me with your findings like I asked for an audit.

Comparison is human. I understand the impulse. But there is a line between a natural moment of reflection and deciding that your choices only make sense if mine were wrong and I will not be standing on that side of the line with you.

08My Spiritual Life Is Not a Debate Topic

I am a practicing Catholic. That is my business, and I have made my peace with it. What I have not made peace with, and will not, is the version of this conversation where you feel called to inform me that I could find God anywhere as though I haven’t considered this, as though the tradition I have chosen is not something I hold with intention and care.

You can talk to me about spirituality. We can discuss meaning, and practice, and the things that ground us. What you cannot do is treat my beliefs like a draft that needs your edits. Nobody’s spiritual practice requires your approval to be valid. Not mine. Not anyone’s. Mind the business that pays you, which in this case is your own soul.

“You’re over there. I’m over here. I’m not going to let you come over here. Stay where you are. With love.”

In Closing

Boundaries are not walls. They are not a sign that something is wrong with you or wrong with the people you love. They are honest communication about what you need in order to show up fully — for yourself and, consequently, for everyone around you. They will change as you change. They deserve to be stated clearly, honored consistently, and revised as needed without guilt.

And if someone in your life consistently cannot respect them? That is also information. Useful, clarifying, sometimes painful information. But information, nonetheless. What you do with it is up to you. Which, when you think about it, is the whole point of having boundaries in the first place.

★ Che Michelle is a writer, cultural commentator, and person with a very clear sense of what she will and will not tolerate. She holds no professional credentials in therapy or nutrition and would like everyone to remember that the neither do they the next time they feel like offering some unsolicited advice.

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Daily Prompt from WordPress 05-16-26

Midnight Duet” by Jen Comfort. Have you ever read a book you thought was based in the eighties but is based in the 2000s? Midnight Duet follows the story of a Broadway star and the Lead singer of a European Hair metal band. This book was hilarious. The side characters’ quips were epic. The plot was both simple and filled with intricate moments. Erika is a true Broadway diva who lands on challenging times but finds or, better yet, cultivates a better version of herself by the end of the book. I want to see this made into a 2024 rom-com. I also want to see it do a time jump, and instead of being in the 2000s, it takes place in the 1980s. This book is four out of five for humor. A four out of five for the spicy scenes and a four out of five for the plot twist. If you enjoy romantic comedies and a good plot twist, this book is for you.

You can read the full blog here –> End of Summer Update – Che-Michelle Tales

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Understanding Part-Time Dating Dynamics (An Old Prose)

*This prose was written in 2018; I think it’s old, and life has changed since, but the prose I wrote was sitting, and I decided to publish it.*

Again, it has been a slow dating month. I haven’t gotten past online conversations/ Chats/ text messages. It happens; sometimes, you say the wrong thing, and the other person moves on. They may have found a person that is a better fit for them. I don’t know, but most of my responses have not produced anything fruitful. When a new guy stepped up and messaged me, he explained he liked my profile and went into depth about things I wrote in my profile. I was so excited; he seemed calm and genuinely wanted to know me. We talked about Gotham and went into full detail, from Falcone, Victor Zsasz, penguin, and all the characters. I was getting a good vibe. We continued to talk, and after a few moments, I realized he had a type “A” personality. We exchanged email addresses since our mailboxes on the dating site were full. Upon moving to email, I realized maybe he wasn’t entirely into me. I could only contact him after 8 pm and was not allowed to contact him during the day. All conversations must end by 10:30 pm because he had to sleep. He didn’t see the need to talk every day.

Talking to him, I was perplexed. He seemed superficial, a bit condescending, and aloof. I felt like I was being chastised for emailing him during my lunch break. If I messaged him, he would respond, “I am washing my clothes. I will message you later.” I guess I still operate like a teenager or in my early 20s. I thought people who were into each other at least communicated with each other frequently. Maybe not every day, but every few days.  I am confused. Are you into me? So why not speak with me? Why not talk to me and learn about my cadences, tone, and voice infliction? Better yet, let me learn about you before we sit at the table and hate each other. Please don’t assume you know everything about me from my social media and dating profile. I can’t find any extra information about him other than his hobbies. Is he just going through the motions because he feels he has to? Or maybe he had a bad experience and was trying to be laid back and cool?


I realized, while talking to him, that dating is changing again. I am not used to men who don’t put effort into learning about a person. It seems to be the norm that people only want to part-time date. Part-time dating is when you treat it as a part-time job. No real investment; you’re just here to get a check, well, in this case, sex or as-needed companionship. It’s not quite a Jump-off territory or situation, but it’s not a relationship, and it doesn’t have enough emotional connection for a relationship. Maybe I need to reevaluate how often I would like to talk to someone and be realistic. Starting in March, I will accept if I only speak to someone once a week. I will no longer assume a man’s level of interest based on the intensity of their communication frequency. I will evaluate my ideals. I had one guy who texted me over 2000 messages a month, and we never met. Another man with whom I was in constant contact for a week before we decided to go our separate ways, so maybe only talking once a week would work better. Maybe having a designated time and date to talk will be a better fit. I should be more open to different experiences.



I hate having time restraints, and this seems like a controlling technique. Maybe it’s not, and I am just super undisciplined. I am not sure how this will affect getting to know him. Since he has already read and seen my social media, I am not great at hiding information online. LOL (seriously) He may read this blog and decide never to talk to me again. Geez. Maybe March will be a better month for me.

Update: It didn’t work out. I was told I was too clingy and needed to find some hobbies. I only talked to him on Mondays after Gotham for 30 minutes. I am glad it didn’t work out; I would have been on several strict schedules to communicate with him.

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Well … Well… Well?

I was suppose to repurpose this blog. I actually ended up creating a whole new blog. So I will keep this one about Cheese, Wine, and food I enjoy. I may even ask my friends, if they want to write a piece. That I can publish. So for those who follow Cheese Have Curves! Thanks and go over to Che-Michelle Tales for Book Reviews, Short Stories, and other creative writing adventures. I do have a ko-fi, but I am still getting use to using that platform. I will share more details, about that in a few… years. If you don’t know I publish a post either once a week or ever 3 years.

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I am repurposing this blog

So  I  have decided instead of creating a whole new blog, just repurpose this one for my future endeavors.  So hopefully great things to come and  I hope you enjoy!

 

–May 1, 2019

 

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